XX Anonymous

I have more and more trouble with that approach. At first it seemed like a panacea. And it definitely helped me making peace with some issues from the past - the ones that did not quite get resolved with Mme Czichon. Working through the steps was like a journey into myself. But the questions keep arising - most of all why it is necessary to do this as a lifetime project and keep seeing myself as diseased. I tend more towards the approach that an eating disorder can be overcome and that's it - now go on with your life. Also, the notion that this approach is for everyone, reardless of her situation, doesn't quite click. I know some folks who just keep having a hard time with parts of the approach, not only the Higher Power thing but also the powerlessness, the continuing confession, whatever. Also, it disgusted me when someone shared that being a sponsor, his sponsorees never really lasted long with him because he had such a matter-of-fact approach and told them in the face, etc. But anyway, the person who this was important for was himself, anyway. So his being tough with folks who might just be a bit hesitant to fully jump into this, and the very cool "take it or leave it" stuff were all for his benefit, not for anyone elses's. Made me think of Wendy Kaminer's book and how she basically goes on about the self-centeredness of the self help movement. Well, she's not wrong.

I kept all my stepwork and know that I have made some big steps in coming to terms with myself, my life, my relationship with other people. But in the end... it feels like "okay, that's been settled, now move on". Where to? Certainly not to going to a group at least once a week and even during holidays and vacation. Somehow this just doesn't feel right. And some people really seem to be addicted to being addicted, or to have their crutches ready all the time to avoid falling down when walking on their own. My, I still can get mean! (But then, I might be in denial big time, 12-steppers would say to me.) Maybe I'm already taking up too much time to think about food and nutrition and should rather spend it with other things... translating books and texts, pursuing my Australia project, homeschooling the little one (if this is what is best).